No matter what I try to do I cannot change the past. I died on June 24th, I can never have my life back. I try to survive in this afterlife, but sometimes it just gets so difficult to see who I was before and know that I can never be that person again. I survived, and will keep on trying to survive, but in truth I did not live through it.
I hate school. I hate work. I can’t consintrate on anything. I have to study for two tests next week, and write a paper due next week, in addition to finishing the paper that was due the end of September that I still need to turn in. But I can’t concentrate on writing anything. I think it’s just know that doing all that work is pointless now makes it difficult to actually do it. It can’t give me a better future anymore. The only reason I was able to do so well on my school work is gone, never to return. I’m hardly doing anything at work these days. I still haven’t even learned any of the sixth grade drummers names. Every day it’s a struggle to force myself to get out of bed and get ready for another crappy day. I miss a lot of my classes because of that.
All I ever wanted was a fair chance at being happy. Sometimes it gets hard to force myself to be happy. I truly am a vampire now. I’m undead and I feed of the emotions of others. I can’t provide my own happiness anymore.
Why did it all turn out this way? It didn’t have to be this way. I tried, but if only one person in a relationship does, then nothing can work out.
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