I don’t know, sometimes I just really miss her. I miss sharing the great relationship we had, a relationship that knew no bounds. But I know that she wanted to end it all, I know that everything that happened was what she wanted, and it hurts so much to know that. I just don’t know why she had to do it. I don’t understand why she let her fear outweigh what we had. Had she wanted we could have worked through the difficult times, but she didn’t even want to have one attempt to fix things. She wouldn’t even allow for one chance to work through it. She let her fear blind her so much that she refused to even attempt to work through one difficult time. That causes so much pain it is indescribable. To know that she put less effort in seeing if we could work things out then she does with deciding whether to buy a new electronic device or not. That kills you inside, there is no denying that, and I hate that she could treat me so badly. But I hate the fact more that I still love her so much. I know that with what she has done there is no way for us to get back together, even after all I tried to keep us together, and then to get us back together, and then to even keep her as a friend. But she chose to not even be friends. She did not want to even but in the minute amount of effort that would have taken. She wanted to hurt me, to hurt our relationship, and in doing so to hurt herself, all for the sake of not having to face her fear of being in a difficult situation.
She ruined me because she gave me so much only to take it away. She has always been my love, she has always been the one for me. But there is no way for me to have her. She chose to turn into a monster rather then for once in her life stand up for herself. If she had tried even once, she would have seen what she was throwing away.
By now she has already completely altered all her memories of what we had. She has already remade all her memories to fool herself into thinking she made the right decision. I know because that is the way she always does it. If she only knew that she is exactly like her sister, and then remember how much pain her sister gave her, and the fact that I was the one that helped her deal with the pain, then maybe, just maybe, she would start to see the truth in her actions. If she could ever come to remember what really happened in our relationship, she would know what she did. But I doubt that she will ever be adult enough to admit anything like that, even to herself. I just wish at the time I could have had more people to help me show her what she was doing. I guess neither she nor I had friends true enough to do that. I know that powerful forces work against me in this world, I just wish that more could have been helping me then.
Once you lose your innocent view of the happily ever afters, you come to see that the world will always get worse and worse. So you might as well pretend to ignore it.
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